Travel Blog

The day after our diving trip we were none too on the ball thanks to the end-of-diving celebrations the night before. We decided to spend this day as any logical person in Cairns would – chilling out at the Lagoon! By this stage we had been in Cairns well over a week and knew everybody there who was worth knowing. During our time at the lagoon we managed to bump into OJ, Trigger, Joel and Jean. We were more than impressed with our high level of popularity and we found out that OJ, Trigger and Jean were all going to be in Sydney on Friday night and so we made plans for a celebration of our last night in Australia. Sorted. Although that evening we were tired, we weren’t too tired to take part in the weekly pool tournament. After my shocking display last week I went into it with a vengeance. I played a bit better than last week but still the first prize of a bungee jump eluded me. Not being the world’s biggest adrenalin junkie I wasn’t too bothered however I lost the chance to look cool in front of my peers.

The next day we decided to rent a car and drive a circuit through some of Cairns’ nearby rainforest terrain. It was a beautiful drive and as well as seeing some proper rainforest and some redneck Australian towns we also stopped off at a Crocodile farm. The farm contained about 10 crocs that were taken from the wild. These ones were protected and couldn’t be used for meat or leather however their young would be farmed to produce just that. While the young ones destined for steaks and belts were kind of cute, the big ones were enormous and more than scary. The farmer who showed us around enjoyed scaring the shit out of us by aggravating the crocs to jump and bite at the fence. When I asked jokingly if I could enter one of the enclosures to get a close up photo he immediately swung the gate open and allowed me in. I was forced to swallow the lump in my throat and lie in the bed I had just made. Everybody was watching and I couldn’t back out now. I made a half decent attempt to get close to the giant croc but once he spied me and moved his head in my direction I stopped and refused to go further. Fortunately Fi was quick in taking the photo and I legged back out of the enclosure faster than you could say Streuth!

After the tour of the farm we were allowed to hold the baby crocs and the snakes. The baby ones were cute – probably because the tape around their snouts prohibited them from engaging in any anti-social biting activities. The snakes on the other hand were a different story. They wrapped and coiled themselves around you and although they weren’t squeezing, you felt that if they even squeezed with one muscle you would suffocate. Thankfully I avoided that fate and we moved on. The other major attraction we enjoyed on our tour was the fig tree. Well technically it was the lack of a fig tree. What happened over the last one hundred years is that a parasitic tree wrapped itself around the fig tree. Slowly the fig tree died away leaving the parasitic tree coiled up with nothing inside. It’s quite bizarre and you can go inside it and play around like you’re 7 again. The final thing of interest on this trip was a visit to a waterfall where they filmed a timotei ad a few years ago. It involved a nice young lady taking a shower under the waterfall with some timotei. We had great fun trying to recreate the ad in a way not quite as sexy as the original.

The next day we were off back to Sydney for our last 3 nights in Australia. We decided to spend this time visiting a sheep shearer called Storky who lives in Hill End – as redneck as the name suggests! Craig, Fi’s mate, met Storky on a holiday there a few years ago and has been going back once or twice a year since. Unfortunately Storky does not own such new fangled gadgets such as a mobile or the internet or a facsimile machine. So the only way to get in touch with him and let him know we were coming was through the bartender of the local and only bar in town. Oh and her name is Maxine, of course. As we set off with Craig on the 2.5 hour journey to Hill End we were in good spirits. However as we approached the tiny village (population 70) in the middle of nowhere we became a little uneasy. This was not helped by the stares of the locals as we entered the village pub/hotel. Craig assured us there was nothing to worry about and urged us to get down to Storky’s gaff asap as he heard a rumour from a gentleman sitting outside the bar that Storky was at home. Sure enough the man was right and as we pulled up to Storky’s place, Craig asked us to try and not laugh when we met him. Well that was a recipe for a disaster. Our first glimpse of Storky confirmed why his nickname was what it is. I don’t think I’ve ever met a skinnier man in my life. I just wanted to buy the bloke a big mac! He said he had some stuff to do and would meet us down the pub later. Fair enough.

It was early in the afternoon and although we were eager to get to the pub and introduce ourselves to the locals we decided that a walk first would be prudent. The village is very nice but very old fashioned. It really does look like something out of an American western. This is probably because it flourished way back in the gold rush of the 19th Century. Once the gold was gone, no more thought was given to poor old Hill End and it stands today exactly as it looked 150 years ago. You have the saloon and the grocery store and the inn. It even has a police force of exactly one – the sheriff! As such the walk was very pleasant and we entertained ourselves by enforcing rules like “We can’t walk past that sign until we hit it with a rock”. Back at the pub the sun was just setting and we had definitely worked up a thirst. Soon enough Storky turned up and we set about getting to know him. Unfortunately, like the inhabitants of so many other places in the world with a population of 70, Storky mumbled and talked very fast. I probably only understood about 15% of what he ever said and I nodded and smiled my way through 2 hours of conversation.

Things were going well and the night was turning out to be pretty good until – the bar closed! At 10pm! We were well pissed off but there was nothing we could do. We stayed up chatting till the insane hour of 12 before going to bed. After all, we were up early in the morning to shear sheep with Storky. We had arranged to meet him at his place at 9.30 and thanks to the breakfast service being rather poor we were slightly behind schedule. At 9.40, Storky rocks up to the bar looking for us asking why we weren’t at his at 9.30. We mumbled an apology, taking care not to enrage a man of his stature, and wondering where he inherited his German style of punctuality. We followed him on down to his and watched in awe as he sent his sheep dog to round up the sheep. I had seen it on TV before but never in real life and it truly is an impressive thing. One man and his dog. And a load of stupid sheep. Quality! The dog had them rounded up pretty sharpish and we all headed into the shearing shed. Shearing shed?! It was more like an abattoir and not for the first time on the trip I was put in mind of the film Wolf Creek. I tried to put such thoughts out of my head as I watched Storky setting up the torture equipment, sorry, shearing equipment.

The sheep looked as scared as I was and I felt pity for one who was particularly woolly and could look forward to starting the winter without the thick coat he had been growing all summer. Just then Storky grabbed the sheep by the hooves and dragged him towards the equipment. Although the sheep was afraid he had obviously been through this before and knew that resistance was futile. We watched on as Storky expertly and silently shaved the sheep. It took him about 7 minutes to do one sheep and at the end of the first one he looked up at his captivated audience and simply said:

“One shorn sheep.”

We were very interested now and eagerly asked if we could try it. Unfortunately he wasn’t too happy with us having a go however he did let us pose with the sheep and the shearer making us look like the experts we weren’t. After the shearing session Storky mumbled something about tin and chops and being busy and not wanting to highlight his speech impediment we nodded and smiled and left him to it. I personally didn’t want to wait around and see how Storky could get busy with a tin and some chops. We decided to head back to Sydney via the blue mountains for a quick gawk. They were ok but the eerie blue that surrounds them, apparently from the eucalyptus trees, was pretty cool. We were now up to our last night in Sydney and Australia and we honoured the plans we had made with OJ and Trigger when we were in Cairns. We had a lovely meal in a Thai restaurant before heading to one of the funky bars along the waterfront. The next morning we were off to China!

We were very excited about China and thought we were being clever downloading directions to the hostel from the internet before we left Sydney. We know now that this was futile and it takes more than just some directions to get where you’re going. After collecting our luggage we exited Shanghai airport and looked around stumped. All we could see were Chinese symbols and had no idea where to find “The number 5 bus to Dan’an street”. We used a combination of Chinglish and hand signals to get ourselves aboard some kind of bus however we didn’t know where the bus went and where to get off. About 40 minutes into the bus journey we spotted a sign saying Dan’an somethingorother and decided to get off. It turns out we were close but not that close. After a lot of walking with our heavy backpacks and asking directions from some Canadian Vietnam veteran whose sanity was to be debated we actually made it to the hostel. As it happened, the hostel extremely pleasant and comfortable and made all the hassle worth while. Being tired we decided to go out and get some food and hit the sack.

So began our second Chinese adventure – ordering food! We found a little eating establishment near the hostel that looked good. When the menu only consisted of Chinese symbols we realised this was going to be harder than we thought. The waiter had not a word of English and through making a few gestures and some animal noises we managed to order something although we hadn’t a clue what. When it arrived we were delighted to note it was not dog or rat. Just some kind of Chiken curry and some veg and some pork and some rice. Not the tastiest meal ever but we were glad it was something slightly recognisable. Our first proper day in Shanghai was spent doing the obligatory tourist stuff – walking the Bund, viewing the strange but impressive futuristic looking architecture and checking out the various gardens and bridges and thousands upon thousands of carp. We read in the lonely planet that one particular place was generally regarded to have the best steamed dumplings in China and therefore the world. Being quite partial to the odd dumpling myself we strolled down there. Unfortunately it was a Sunday and the world and it’s Chinese mother were there queuing for dumplings. However I had to try the best dumplings in the world and so offered to stand in the queue while Nikki and Fi went shopping. They arrived back 20 minutes later and the queue had barely moved! I told them to go off again and see what happened. When they arrived back 30 minutes later I had moved up a little but at this stage I was determined to see this through to the end. After 1 hour and 20 minutes of queuing I finally made it to the top. You’ll be pleased to know that it was all worth it. The dumplings were divine and I ordered 32 just to be sure. I didn’t want to still be hungry after 16 when I queued for so long and in any case they were only 1euro for 16. I made it to 29 before my stomach literally couldn’t take anymore. Still, as Fi told me, an impressive feat.

That night was Nikki’s last night travelling with us so we decided to go out for dinner and drinks. This was our first taste of China in a proper restaurant and they actually had an English menu – heaven! We ordered an array of dishes with my input being the duck and pancakes. Whenever I am forced to think of my favourite meal I never think of duck pancakes. However every time I have duck pancakes there is no question as to what the ultimate taste sensation is. So I am hereby declaring that my favourite dish in the whole world is crispy duck pancakes. Mmmm! After dinner we headed to a blues bar that I had read about earlier in lonely planet. Apparently they had a jam session every Sunday night and as it had been nearly 5 months since I had touched a keyboard I was gagging to play. Sure enough the band were good and friendly and they were more than happy to let me play with them. We jammed to a slow Muddy Waters number in A and I was in heaven. My chords and fiddly bits during the verse were fine but when it came to my solo, 5 months of abstinence were evident and I couldn’t quite perform to standard. I wasn’t bad by any stretch but definitely not as good as I could be. Still it was great to tinkle the ivories again and the piano was of the beautiful, big and slightly out of tune variety – perfect for the blues.

The next day was strange with Nikki gone and we decided to head out and see some museums and the futuristic buildings up close. No later than 5 minutes after we left our hostel we were approached by a couple of young girls of about 20. They were students from Xi’an and they started chatting to us in English. This wasn’t unusual as Chinese people value the English language very highly and often ask westerners if they can chat to them for a while to practice their English. We walked and chatted for a while and they were very pleasant. We told them we were going to the urban planning museum and they said they were going there too. When we arrived at the museum they told us they also wanted to go to a traditional Chinese tea ceremony which was beginning soon and did we want to go with them and then to the museum after. We thought why not, after all the girls were very charming and friendly. At the tea ceremony a woman greeted us who didn’t have any English. The girls told us they could translate for us and we all sat down at a wooden table in a small room. The décor of the room and the woman were all nicely traditionally decorated. Before the ceremony started, the woman explained through the 2 girls that each tea we sampled would by Y38 (about 3.80 euro) and snacks were Y30 (about 3 euro) a plate. We thought this was pretty pricey but the setup seemed kind of cool and if this was a traditional Chinese ceremony then we were all up for seeing it. After we agreed to it the woman assured us that we would be eligible for a student discount making each tea only Y30 each. We were delighted with that and settled in for an afternoon of tea sampling.

Throughout the next hour the woman explained to us all the traditions and etiquette associated with tea. We sampled 6 different kinds of tea and had a great time laughing and joking about it all with the girls. At the end we were asked if we wanted to purchase some tea to bring home at Y100 a bag but we declined as we had already racked up quite a bill with the 6 samples each and a few plates of snacks. We settled up the bill which came to around Y250 each (25 euro) – not that expensive really but very expensive for China and especially since we were on a budget of 35 euro a day and I didn’t like tea at all! As a final farewell we were given yellow and red thingys which the girls told us we were to hang off our bags for good luck. We were happy with the experience of traditional Chinese tea ceremonies and left the place. Outside we asked the girls if they would like to join us for lunch but they were eager to get on to the museum and so we bid them farewell but not before swapping email addresses. Over lunch we reflected once again on what a pleasant experience we had just had.

A few days later, while on a tour visiting the Terracotta army in Xi’an, an English couple spotted the red thingy hanging off Fi’s bag and asked if she got it at the tea ceremony in Shanghai. We started talking about it and soon it was apparent that something was very wrong. It seems the couple had had exactly the same experience and I mean exactly the same. They were approached by students on the street who wanted to practice English blah blah blah. As we talked about it more and more it was obvious we had all been tricked. At the beginning I refused to believe it was a scam as I had seen the girls pay for a couple of bags of Y100 tea. The guy of the couple asked me if I had actually seen them pay and as I cast my mind back I remember one of the girls giving the woman her card and the woman asking her outside to enter her pin. Doh! We never actually saw the girls giving any money over. Also it seems the red and yellow thingys we were given were to signal to other students pulling the same scam that we had already been scammed and not to approach us. And there we were happily wandering around Shanghai with our red and yellow thingys hanging out all proud! The English couple had even swapped email addresses with there scammers too. Feckers! It wasn’t the money so much – it was after all only 25 euro each. But the fact that we thought we had met some really nice friendly people really got to me. The deceit was despicable. Normally Fi and I are very savvy travllers and we don’t believe anything the locals tell us like that. But this was the best scam ever and they pulled it off with sheer brilliance. I defy anyone to not believe their innocent looks and friendly natures.

Anyway, this brings me to our time in Xi’an. We had two days there and spent the first day visiting the city. Xi’an is the only place in China that still has the original city walls still intact although some parts have been restored since the 700s. We climbed the stairs to the top of the walls and from there rented bikes. We spent the next 90 minutes cycling the 14km circumference (or girth as the signs advertised) stopping every now and again to get a good view of Xi’an. After the bike ride it was dumplings for lunch again in an establishment whose menu included “fragrant young intestines”. After lunch we visited the Muslim quarter including the Great Mosque which was nice quiet and serene and surrounded by beautiful gardens. Perfect for relaxing under the warm spring sun with a book. The next day we took a tour to see the Terracotta warriors. Unfortunately any tour in China will have one good thing on it and is padded out with a load of other crap things in an effort to charge money. The tours often involve plenty of “toilet stops” at well stocked souvenir shops while you don’t get much time at the actual sights themselves. In this case we were forced to see the terracotta factory (yawn), a less than impressive history museum and a hot springs that you couldn’t even swim in – what’s the point?! Finally we reached the highlight – the terracotta army. Although they were still impressive, they just didn’t have the impact I expected. There was supposed to be 6,000 of the things but I could only see a few hundred. While the ones that were there were cool, I expected to see miniature warriors as far as the eye could see. Oh well. At least by taking the tour we got to the bottom of the Shanghai teahouse scam.

One thing I forgot to mention was a quick trip to Hangzhou about 2 hours south of Shanghai. Hangzhou is the country’s number one tourist destination for Chinese people and we spent one night here before going to Xi’an. It basically consists of a lake called the West Lake – there are 36 so called lakes in China *slaps head*. We took a boat tour out to an island in the middle. It was all very pleasant indeed but the weather and the smog made it a not too memorable experience. The highlight actually was the dinner we had there. The food was not so spectacular but the menu in the place was the most incredible display of Chinglish I have seen to date. So good in fact that we decided a photo was insufficient and at the end we walked out with the menu stuffed into Fi’s handbag. Where else could you buy “The hedgehog hydnum mushroom seahorse cooks the soup”? It sounded like something out of a Bill Bailey sketch.

We are currently in Beijing (blog entry coming soon) and China continues to get crazier and crazier. I love this country and its people and its culture despite their flaws ie constant spitting and pushing and shoving. There is no such thing as a noun in China that is not preceded by an adjective. Everything is lucky or joyful or special. I only look forward to what the rest of our stay in Beijing brings us as well as a weekend in Shenyang with Dan. Stay tuned!

At the entrance to the Forbidden City in Beijing with the famous photo of Mao on the wall